Theological Pain
These days I find most of my theology in story. (If you want to know what stories I’m reading, find me on GoodReads.) Honestly, I’m just weary of theology. I’m not bored with it. I’m tired. Exhausted. Worn out. I’m sick of everyone thinking the finer points of their theology are the articles on which the church will stand or fall. I’m fatigued by the rehearsing of the same old topics, with the same old arguments, and the mindless reassertions of something you heard someone else say with conviction, and the refusal to honestly grope with an opposing point of view.
Theology causes my brain pain these days. I know what you’re going to say before you say it. I already know that you think five-point Calvinism (or whatever) is essential to true Christianity, and I already know why you think it is, and I already know all the verses you’ll use, and all the counter-arguments you’ll use, and how you’ll reason from each text, and I bet I know most of what you’ll say word for word. You’re making me tired, and you haven’t even started talking yet.
I know that some of this is just my own crankiness. I know that some of it is the insecurity rooted in the simple fact that over the past few years, my theological position on things has changed more times than I’d like to admit. I once set myself up as a biblical guide for others to follow. It was all a lie; I’m a wandering star.
But I also know there are others out there like me. Some of you are hurting because you can’t ask questions. (Those questions are dangerous.) Some of you are in pain because your confusion is not allowed. (It’s lack of faith.) Some of you ache inside because you can’t make some theological positions that have been forced into your head make much sense with reality anymore. There are so many manifestations of this.
- You’re not allowed to ask about evolution. All that science is a lie of the devil to get you to disbelieve Genesis and therefore cast doubt on the whole Bible.
- You’re not allowed to ask about power, race, and gender. Those are “liberal” concerns.
- You’re not allowed to deeply struggle inside about the concept of God’s eternally tormenting his creation in a lake of fire. If you do, it’s because you’re not willing to accept the “hard” truth. You’re just a pomo hippy or something.
- You’re not allowed to long for an ancient worship that is rooted in 2,000 years of church history. You’ll lose relevance in our culture.
- You’re not allowed to question the lunacy going on at the front of your church. You might blaspheme the Holy Spirit.
- And whatever you do, don’t ask about the homosexual couples who are better examples of committed, sacrificial love than 80% of the Christian marriages you know. You’re on the road to accepting immorality if you bring that up.
I get the danger of losing the orthodox faith altogether. I really do. But when the rules of theological conversation put honest questions – raw, difficult, real life questions – in the penalty box, I say the game is rigged so that one team wins and the other loses every time.
And the problem with this is that it hurts real people. I’m not going to be afraid of the questions I ask or the subjects I bring up. I’m not going to be scared by the threat that I might “lead someone astray.” It’s better to have everyone face the tough questions and find Jesus in the answer than to suppress them and forfeit huge parts of the fallen human experience and struggle.
Finding the answer in Jesus is the goal of it all. The gospel – you know, that good news for broken and hurting people – is not just a “foundation,” or a starting place. It’s the beginning, middle, and end of all theological conversations. If we don’t end up at the gospel of God’s unfailing love in Jesus, we didn’t have a theology conversation. We had a debate about rules and regulations, and we’ve become Pharisees.
So I’m going to pick up theology books again. (I’m going to start with Eugene Peterson.) But I’m going to pick them up looking for Jesus, not looking for better and stronger points to win arguments. I’ll share what I find – as well as the tough questions I want to ask – in these Letters from the Perilous Realm.
4 comments:
I myself find several good points in this blog. But the gospel does cover how we are to live our lives as well. I think we somehow extract the grace and forgiveness part of it all and forget the struggle with holiness that God expects from us. Even though we will fail. Holiness, that is, as he defines it. In him.
Our lives have to reflect the Christ like image of our creator. That is what all this fuss is about. Theology for sure is a pain sometimes. But a good one is necessary for right living I believe. It honors God. And I am not willing yet to let my own frustrations play a role in the disregard of good doctrine. Yes, the tough questions are tough and some of them I am not sure I have the answers to yet .... but I will keep searching and praying and leading.
We can tend to throw the baby out with the bath water on issues like doctrine and theology in search of something more feel good and generic. But since when is that a "full" representation of God? The easy feel good everybody is ok sort of thought process we see prevailing within the Christian community today is handicapped in that it leaves out the concept of acting on the righteousness God has placed inside of us. Careful.
I wish someone could explain to me why I get this nauseating feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I read FB statuses filled with scripture after scripture, and you'll see some of the same people appear to provoke theological debates. Drives me nuts. When I read their updates and it's just another verse, I am often irritated and then I have this small sense of guilt. Hmm.... not sure what I'm getting at, but if you figure it out, let me know.
Well - I think I can help, or at least relate. Sometimes that stuff gets to me a bit too. I personally am not much for religion and definitely am not into debating. I like good conversations - but that is a different thing altogether.
Think of it like this.... a lot of the people you described do those "religious" things like post scripture to status on FB in order to feel like they are DOING the right things. The things they think God would have them do. But, its a simple misunderstanding. If they really knew how he felt about it - they might stop. But you have to remember they are doing the best they can with what they have. Just like you.
One of the things that ticks me of more than anything else is someone who demands grace from everyone but refuses to extend it to anyone.(Remember - grace is not limited to Christianity. It works on all levels as a general practice in living. So if you are not a Christian you are still not excused from the table. I know alot of graceful people that aren't Christians. So if you are not a Christian - grace is still required of you isn't it.)
I hope that isn't what we are talking about here, is it? If you think you might be feeling that way (Christian or not) that might explain the twinge of guilt you mentioned. Just remember to let that stuff go if it doesn't sit well with you and try and realize two things.
#1. You don't have to be that sort of Christian.
#2. Alot of Christians out there aren't.
In the meantime, if it bothers you that much - de friend them. That's what I would do.
Cheers...
Anonymous - thanks for the input by the way. I just want you to know that I agree with you. All the pretentious stuff that some Christians do in order to convince everyone else of their own righteousness is not a healthy thing at all. I have just found it easier to love them anyway than to try and change them. I usually leave the changing hearts job up to God... anyway, just wanted you to know that i couldn't agree more on the grossness of some religious things and i may not have conveyed that as well as i wanted to in first , albeit truncated, response. Keep contributing - loved it.
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